If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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