it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
