3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I supernannyed him into submission
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
