does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
