He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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