Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
