Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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