why didn't you poke me back
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
