I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
