Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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