i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
