My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
