Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i can't believe i had my finger in that
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
