You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
