I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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