just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
