What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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