idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
