you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
