she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
