I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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