home. puking in laundry basket.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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