if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she peed on how many people?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
