I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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