Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
