that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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