Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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