Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
