We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
