I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
