the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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