Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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