After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
