Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
farters have to be the big spoon...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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