i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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