my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
