you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
