We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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