i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
