half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
