Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize