do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
