Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
