After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
