i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
