spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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