we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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