I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
