now i know why i became what i already was.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
