Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
