I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
